Foreword: Never write a story when you're mad. Ugly things happen. Now, I am going to warn all of you people. This is down right mean. But this songfic has a message with it concerning the truest form of the author's creative mind and what really fascinates readers when they read a story. I hope it does anyway. I would like to dedicate this to my bamboo eating friend, for if wasn't for her, I probably wouldn't have been mad enough to write this. All apologies to these characters and readers that are going to suffer. ------------------------------------------------------------------ This Is Not Hell A songfic by Bastion Inspired by a song by Jimmie's Chicken Shack [Scene opens with a dim hallway colored in strange shades of green, yellow, and red. The camera goes down the hall, and doors can be seen every few feet or so, one on each side. At the end of the hallway is a merry-go-round, now in motion with its lights fluttering agitatedly. The camera follows the motions of the merry-go-round, and stops on a person wearing a jester's costume with the appropriate painted face. He begins to sing.] if this is hell well that's fine with me all of the wonder presumably happily eager to follow the fool that's got into the head of me [The jester swings his arms happily and laughs insanely. He jumps off the merry-go-round and approaches the nearest door. He opens it.] we don't have any doubt we're out there making friends unconsciously rolling through meanings from pollings the answers are meaner sometimes than the means to our ends [Inside is Uranus, who has found herself in a dress and is struggling to get it off. She comes to the instant realization she's at a funeral. Confused she looks into the coffin and realizes its Neptune. Tears well in her eyes as she notices all of her friends point at her with their unforgiving eyes narrowed. She turns back to the coffin and sees Neptune sitting upright with her bony finger pointing to her accuser. Uranus screams. The jester sings] so this is hell what else could it be [He closes the door and opens another.] bask in the glory of glorified stories of a basket case who has just broken himself from the weave [Inside, Mars is singing her heart out in front of a packed audience. As she sings she notices the predatory looks she is getting from several people in the front row. She does her best to ignore them until a tomato whizzes past her face. Suddenly, she is pummeled by tomatoes. She feels the juice from the tomatoes eating away at her skin. Her screams of pain are cut off. Her eyes widen with horror as her father shoves the tomato further down her throat. The jester closes the door and opens another. He keeps singing.] we are not making sense who really cares just how we feel infantile ramblings of pennyless gambings a fist full of hand swinging clubs at our new baby zeal [Inside is Mercury sitting in a desk at school, alone. Several friends enter the room, hiding things behind their backs. She is about to say hello when all her friends reveal their clubs. Terrified, she runs for the exit, only to be nailed in the knee by a club. Her friends surround her and mercilessly beat her, laughing as they do. The jester closes the door and smiles a toothy smile.] yeah right [He jumps around the hall laughing once again with more fervor. The jester runs to another door and looks to the audience.] you think this is hell would you care to bet [He opens the door, laughing.] capture the beauty of domestic duty the hampers are full and our laundry's perpetually wet [Inside is Venus lying on the side of a dirt street. She notices her filthy attire and small needle scars along her forearms. She feels a chilling breeze hit her and looks up. At the end of the street is a man encased in ice, screaming silently. Venus embraces the cold ice and sobs against it's frigid surface. The jester closes the door and opens another.] think about traveling south find the right something you might have left endless the road wish your past to explode actions remain base but intentions in treble clef [Inside Tuxedo Kamen finds himself sitting in the back-seat of a car. A young blond girl with a particular hairstyle is sitting next to him. She smiles at him. He smiles back and suddenly the car begins to shake and it rolls out of control. The next thing he knows he's in the snow beside the twisted wreckage. He tries to move, but all his limbs are severely broken. Just ahead he sees the head of the blond girl, with her icy blue eyes staring back him, unblinking. Tuxedo Kamen screams. The jester sings. He closes the door and gets right into the camera.] yeah right [He bounces around the hall happily before opening another door.] this is not hell this is purgatory caught here in limbo I.Q. of a dim bulb how many gods does it take to screw in the likes of me [Inside is Pluto, having a romantic dinner with a man of royalty. She looks out the window with a magnificent view over an entire city of crystal. She smiles at him and he grins at her. From out of the shadows, a woman dressed all in white interrupts their meal. The woman's lips curl maliciously as Pluto apologizes to her Queen. In mid-sentence, the Queen kicks Pluto in the stomach. Picking up a glass full of wine, she splashes Pluto in the face. Then the man stands next to his Queen and smirks. He charges at Pluto, sending her through the window. Pluto screams all the way down until she is plastered on the street. The jester closes the door and opens another.] you'd think one day that I might learn stare in the light and you cannot see I've opened my doors of perception and can't get them shut now I feel fucked for free everyday yeah I feel fucked for free everyday yeah I feel fucked for free every day yeah we're all fucked [Within Jupiter is overlooking a cliff above an ocean. Two men appear behind her. Jupiter is startled by their presence, but the men put an assuring hand on her shoulders. They spread their wings and take Jupiter in flight over the body of water. Fear grips Jupiter tighter and tighter as they approach greater heights. Her fears are slowly ebbed away by the men's reassurance. Abruptly, they stop ascending, leaving Jupiter a little confounded. Then their benign expressions give way to lustful grins and begin to ravish her until she can't move. After they're done, the men let her limp body fall into the sea. Jupiter screams. The jester is rolling on the floor and barely is able to close the door.] I left my brain inside of my other head you don't impress me don't depress me don't suppress me just get undressed [The jester dances madly in the hall and the paint on his face begins to rub off.] I left my brain inside of my other head the teachers test me my father blessed me the pigs arrest me I get upset [The jester gets right into the camera and licks the paint off his lips. The merry-go-round begins to burn.] I left my brain inside of my other head you don't impress me don't depress me don't suppress me just undress me [The jester rubs his face with his gloved hands. The fire spreads to the rest of the hall.] the teachers test me my father blessed me the pigs arrest me [He rips off the jester hat.] I get upset [The audience now sees a young man with short black hair, his eyes glowing with inspiration, breathing hard and still laughing. The camera fades as the jester is surrounded by flames.] Fin. Ha. Ha. Ha. Author's Explanation: This came about because of the pattern I noticed with the stories I liked as well as my observation of how those stories came about via those author's notes. Being a fan of Davies, DDFA, Carp, and Stanton didn't help much, either. As you can see, the darkness in ourselves is attracted to the darkness of others. Additional credit goes to Strike Fiss for implanting this idea several years ago. But don't blame him, for did not know what he was doing! Again, my apologies... Sailor Moon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi and in America by DIC. The song, "This Is Not Hell" is owned by Jimmie's Chicken Shack and Polygram Records Inc. Bastion bastion@ix.netcom.com