The Physics of Kleftnobulism

Warning! This page is colored according to the requirements for publication of Kleftnobulism's inner secrets. The Webmaster is not responsible for eye damage caused by browsing these special pages! This color scheme is used in the most sacred of shrines to Being, the Great Kleftnobule (as in "vestibule") of Mars, and is inviolate (no pun intended) for the transmission of knowledge.

Kleftnobulism occasionally uses mathematics and physics to come up with a metric to determine whether one way of being is indeed better than another. A prolonged calculus is necessary to make that determination, and the Xux is best suited to the mathematical details. However, throughout the ever-changing epistemological formulae, there does seem to be one basic factor which contributes mightily to the outcome of the computation.

Feinbeit's Factor

Feinbeit's Factor was derived by that famous Martian Kleftnobulist, and the Xux's mentor back on Uhlpi Avenue, Dr. Maurice Q. Feinbeit, PhD-Klf. Dr. Feinbeit was the first to prove that the best existence could be measured by taking all the matter in the universe and multiplying it by its age, to come up with a yardstick which basically defined Being as one number. All other things were compared to that number. Since the universe ages continuously, and since it is debatable whether new matter is formed (or old consumed), the Feinbeit Factor may not be a constant at all. The Feinbeit Factor is a very large number and is expressed in units of Kilogram-Seconds.

In his later years, Dr. Feinbeit added an improvement to the Factor for General Kleftnobulistic Relativity. In all his thought, the great Dr. had assumed that there was but one universe, or perhaps one container for all universes. By taking the original Feinbeit Factor and multiplying it by the probability that there is another existence somewhere, a much more elegant yardstick has been developed. This was as exciting to the Martians as it would be to find an actual gravity particle here on Earth.

In fact, the Xux, when he is not sleeping, is continuously computing the integral of the Feinbeit Constant over time, each microsecond. He estimates the mass of the universe, multiplies it by the present age of the universe, and multiplies that by the probability that there is another container for being somewhere else (a number often as large as 0.05!). Then that sum is plotted metaphorically on a curve, and the area beneath the curve taken. That integral value can then be transmitted telepathically to other Kleftnobulists in the universe (or one of the other containers for being) for use in their calculations. Rather like guidance telemetry to enhance everyone's quality of being!