Principal Industries of 'Llome/Clobstofia

The area which is now Clobstofia (often spelled CLOBSTOVFIA) had housed two main industries. The first was an AM radio station, which nowadays would be considered a pirate station, and banned by the FCC. The station used the call letters WCGI, named after the local industrial giant Clivont Garde Industries. C.G.I. as they were known was a large conglomerate in the chemical and biological research areas. Its products spanned everything from essential oils, tea, fertilizers, and electronic equipment. To the locals, it was rather like the Acme Company would be to the road-runner.

At left is the logo from the WCGI transmitter, which was produced in Poland as a gift to Clivont Garde Industries
Clivont Garde Industries, a very well run organization, had a very rich and totally incapable competitor that tried to best CGI at every turn. It was a family-run company, founded by...

Mr. Furdinand A. Kench (FAK). Furd's two main objectives were first, to promote sales of elemental Sodium metal, the company's chief product, and second, to find an industrial use for the herb Saffron. Saffron, as you might not know, is yellow herb gathered from the flowers of a particular species of Spanish Irises. Each iris plant must be hand-picked, and the pistils dried. An acre of irises yields perhaps 5-10 grams of saffron. Ferd would use the profits he gained from his metallic sodium sales to fund purchases of several year's planetary production of saffron. His experiments were quite wasteful, and a great deal of saffron was strewn around the labs most of the time.

His one main invention was a robot cleaning device, Saffey the Saffron Quaff. The Saffron Quaff was an automated cleaner that sniffed and sensed any pocket of Saffron, whisked it up, and burned what it collected for fuel. As it moved, it played a little tune: Deedle Dee Dee Dee Dee Deee, Deedle Deee, Deedle Dum. The Spanish Government made Ferd take out a special liability policy in case the Quaff managed to escape to Spain and reduce the fields to mush. For those of you who enjoy dishes such as Paella, you can thank your lucky stars that Ferd went bankrupt before such an ecological tragedy as this ever took place!

Kench Chemicals tried their best to achieve the popular success of something like Macdonald's. They wanted chemicals to be on every dinner table. To that end, they changed their name to Kance (allegedly sounding better). They replaced their earlier slogan, an in-your-face "Kench, Mister!!!" to "Kance, mister". They also tried to promote the health benefits of sodium with a jingle..."Sodium is good for you, Sodium will make you new!".

They had one other really excellent product, for which no use was ever found. That was a curious fatty substance, the infamous Oil of Twenty-Seven Pigs. Kench scientists even developed a quality measure for the product, distilling it to what was known as the Trent-Avens Point (a certain specific gravity that indicated it was "done"). Furd also tried to find a use for another substance, in his utterly depraved lust for waste, Keat's Oxide. Yes, this was produced by burning the poet's original manuscripts (priceless as they might be, Furd had the cash).

Eventually CGI won out and became the monopolistic firm of the region. Still, they were a responsible corporation. They too undertook risky and polluting experiments, and required an area where the ecological damage could be adequately compensated monetarily. To this end, Clobstofia was formed from a section of Parma, Ohio, in 1963, with two goals in mind.

First, to earn money by permitting dangerously polluting chemical experiments to take place, and second, to transplant 'Llome in its entirety to the new region, lock, stock and barrel. In no other case can I think of an entire country moving to a new habitat, but indeed this did take place, and from that point on, the stories of 'Llome and Clobstofia became inseparable.

The Beauty of Clobstofia