Fangirl, (fan' gûrl) (n.) A woman or a girl who is fanatically and emotionally attached to a person of intense desire (e.g. boyfriend, but usually a celebrity). A fangirl projects her ideal upon the person of desire, attributing a high level of morality, perfection and artistic/intellectual accomplishment upon the person of desire which is not humanly possible.
Hey Neil Fangirls!
Aren’t you TIRED of the obvious press and media bias against Neil Diamond? Do you search desperately in magazines (old and new) for any reference to our boy? Do you spend dollar after dollar for any magazine with a Neil reference or photo, such as buying “HEEB” for a centerfold and a one page article, or the “National Enquirer” for a 1/6 page “then and now” photo gallery? Do you get into bidding wars on Ebay for old 70’s-era magazines with Neil pictures and Neil articles? Do you keep scrapbooks of photocopies of articles that you friends have given you?
Well, WAIT NO LONGER!!!
We are proud to introduce “NEIL Fangirl Central Magazine”- the only magazine that’s all Neil, all the time, written by and for fangirls! We specialize in combing all publications (old and new) and the Internet for all the news on Neil! We mooch photos indiscriminately, and find ways of stretching a one-sentence Neil comment into a FULL PAGE article! Yes fangirls, re-live your days of being 13 years old and buying “16 Magazine” and “Tiger Beat”. The difference is that now, you can have all your Neil stuff on one place, and you don’t have to wade through articles of all those OTHER teen heart-throbs (The Monkees, The Beatles, Herman’s Hermits, Paul Revere and the Raiders, David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman, Donny Osmond, The Partridge Family or the Brady Bunch) who obviously don’t have Neil’s TALENT and are a complete WASTE of time and paper!
We also scour the “inner circle” of Neil
fandom to bring you “bus-call” tips, and fashion secrets on getting Neil’s
attention. We provide maps of Neil’s preferred hotels and driving routes
to help you in your Neil hunting and stalking! When you make successful
face-to-face “contact”, you will have a once-in-a-lifetime experience that
makes subscribing to our mag all WORTHWHILE!
Issue #1: Feature story: BRAVO NEIL!
Issue #2: Feature story: "I Posed Nude on a Neil Album!"
Just fill out this subscription coupon and send us your payment!All buyers must cut out our ad from the computer screen as shown to the RIGHT.
Note: Only payment in pre-1805 U.S. Gold Coinage will be accepted.
Sorry, any other forms of payment will be returned.
Cut out this ad and mail it to us!
No paper printouts or facsimiles accepted.
So, head to
your local coin shops for U.S. gold coinage, and get out that saber-saw
and get crackin’. Buy, beg or steal (and mangle computer equipment)… do
whatever you NEED to
do! You MUST
start up your subscription to “NEIL Fangirl Central Magazine” ASAP, so
you don’t miss a thing!
Disclaimer: NEIL FANGIRL MAGAZINE is a fictitious work and a parody. The magazine does not exist on a physical plane, and cannot be purchased. Only the covers exist in a digital media, for the purpose of displaying on the Internet as a part of the larger work, which is this webpage.
Copyright 2003, K. F. Louie. May not be reproduced without the written permission of the author.
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