Disclaimer: These are NOT real scenes from the movie "Saving Silverman". These are ideas that I have about additional scenes that could have made the movie funnier. For a mere $10,000 consultation fee, I would be glad to sign over these ideas, including the dialogue, for any "Saving Silverman" Re-releases, Special Editions, Director's Cut, added extra scenes or Sequels.
There's nothing funnier to me than spoofs of real life. There's something about parody and satire, with at least one foot in mundane reality, that really tickles my ribs. I've seen the movie "Saving Silverman", and although I found most of the characters to be dislikable and the plot to be pretty uninspired, the scenes that had me laughing were the ones that involved the boys' obsessive collecting of Neil items. Mainly because I saw a lot of myself, and people I know, in this. So here's my suggestions on scenes that could have been in "Saving Silverman"
Related Pages: ZMOQ's review of Saving Silverman
Extra Scene #1
(Judith goes to the house, and looks at Weasel-Boy, DABOR and Super-Wuss' collection of Neil memorabilia)
(The mailman arrives. He brings a box addressed to Weasel-Boy and DABOR. They rip it open. Weasel-Boy pulls a stuffed "I Love Neil Diamond" teddy bear out of the box)
Weasel-Boy: IT'S DEELY! Dude! Get the camera!
DABOR: Check, dude!
(DABOR brings in a digital camera. They photograph Deely in front of the HAN cardboard standup, and put him in the case with the real Neil's sparkly shirt)
DABOR: Dude! let's UPLOAD IT!
(Then they upload the pics of themselves and Deely bear)
Weasel-Boy: Dude, we're online, we are just SOOOOO into this! Hey Judith, check us out, babe! We got Neil fans from AROUND THE WORLD sending Deely around. Deely's here, so now we're on DA MAP!
Extra Scene #2
(They're still in the house, showing Judith their collection)
DABOR: I'll be right back!
(DABOR comes out in his frog PJ's, and hugging a huge stuffed frog)
Judith: What's up with YOU?
DABOR: (exultantly) Judith, you gotta understand. There's a bunch of us Neil fans who are part of the "secret frog society". Neil sang an AWESOME song about a frog that dreamed of being a king, so there's a bunch of us who buy frog figurines, plates, clothing, and stuff! There's frogs, and then there's the FROG KING! We try to find the frogs with little crowns on them- those are the Neil-frogs, babe! Frog King stuff RULES!
(Judith rolls her eyes upwards and gives out a weary sigh)
Extra Scene #3
(Weasel-Boy and DABOR are still giving Judith a tour of the their Neil museum)
DABOR: And here's something you don't see every day! (pats the head of a bronze Neil sculpture fondly)
Judith: What the heck is THAT?
DABOR: It was HARD to find something like
this! I was in a last-minute bidding war to get it!
None other than a sculpture of one of the 4 musical geniuses in history: Bach, Beethoven, Brahms and Diamond.
Judith: What? Who's that last one?
Weasel-Boy, DABOR and Super-Wuss: (in unison) Diamond... Neil Diamond.
Judith: Are you guys nuts?
Weasel-Boy: (hastily) But it's right here (whips out the "Solitary Star" book, which is an unofficial bio of Neil)...on Page 164...some people think he belongs with the Great Composers... (neglects to mention that this perception was by a school child, who sent in drawings of Neil with Bach, Beethoven and Brahms)
Judith: Uh huh. So when are you guys going to buy sculptures of Beethoven and the others? Y'know, to complete your collection of "statues of Great Composers"?
Super-Wuss: Ummm... we haven't gotten around to getting the other three yet.
Extra Scene #4
(The football game on TV scene is removed, and is replaced by this)
Weasel-Boy: Hey Judith, wanna see Neil in LEATHER PANTS? Our friends sent us a video of their "Last Picasso" party!
(Weasel-Boy and DABOR pop in a video)
DABOR: And here's where they get down!
(Camera shows what's on their TV- a video of Neil fans sitting around their own TV and screaming their lungs out while watching Neil dance. This is from the "Thank You Australia" video. Then they have the mishap with the chair, the salsa and the beer bath. Now we can go back into the regular movie, after adding these splices into the film)
Extra Scene #5
(This is when Judith makes Super-Wuss burn his Neil Diamond album collection)
(Super-Wuss clutches his copy of The Feel of Neil)
Super-Wuss: (wiping tears from his eyes) But Judith, you don't realize how much this album means to me and how much it cost me! It's autographed by Neil himself and I had to pay over two hundred bucks for this in an online auction from some dude in Germany. This is Neil's first album! It- it's the biggest collector's item I own and my prized possession!!
Judith: Not for much longer!
(Judith throws The Feel of Neil into the flames)
Extra Scene #6
(this can be written-in anywhere in the first half of the movie)
(DABOR is in bed, sawing logs. His alarm clock goes off)
DABOR: Mmmmhhh... huh?
(His beefy paw reaches over and shuts off
the alarm. Camera zooms in to show the face of a cartoon Neil Diamond alarm
(Hey, nothing like a little shameless self-promotion here! I'll include my top-of-the-line brass Neil Diamond clock as part of my $10,000 consultation fee! This time, I'll leave on the alarm-arm so they'll have a good idea of when the alarm will really go off!)
Extra Scene #7
(This is after Judith has been kidnapped)
DABOR: I'm hungry. What's in the oven, dude?
("Porcupine Pie" from Neil Diamond's Moods album is playing in the background)
Weasel-Boy: You remember that porcupine that attacked me so I had to zap it? We're a little broke this month so I thought we could save some of the food money so I took it to the butcher and had it cut up, man. I'm baking a porcupine pie. Should be ready now, dude.
(DABOR goes into the kitchen, whistling. He takes the NEIL DIAMOND collector's plates by Gartlan off of the wall and wipes them off with a rag. Then he puts them on top of the stove pulls the pie out of the oven. He neatly cuts the pie into slices and puts them on the Neil Diamond Gartlan plates. Then he cheerfully brings them out to the living room)
DABOR: Lunch is on!
Weasel-Boy: Dude! We're eating in STYLE! Neil Diamond would be so proud of us! Porcupine Pie, just like THE MAN said!
(they dig in)
Weasel Boy: Y'know, we need to bring Judith some food.
DABOR: Suppose she's a vegetarian?
Weasel-Boy: (still gorging himself) Just bring her some, dude!
(Now we can go back into the regular movie, when DABOR dresses in a chicken suit)
All of these items really do exist. It didn't take much of a stretch of imagination to create these extra "Saving Silverman" scenes based on real memorabilia!
This article is Copyright 2001, K.F. Louie. May not be reproduced without the written permission of the author.
Scene #7 (Porcupine Pie)
idea is courtesy of LA Bruin
Neil bust photo courtesy of Dr. Karin Thieme
Gartlan plate scan provided by email@example.com
Got more ideas about extra scenes? Send them to me! All contributors will be properly credited!
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